Underlying every difficult conversation are actually three deeper conversations. Anytime we feel vulnerable or our self-esteem is implicated, when issues at stake are important and the outcome uncertain, when we care deeply about what is being discussed or about the people with whom we are discussing it, there is potential for us to experience the conversation as difficult.
Genuinely try to understand where the other person is coming from. What if they are angry or hurt? Change levels; look at the problem from the perspective of a disinterested observer. Based on this impact, what assumption am I making aobut what the other person intended? Let the other person know that what they have said has made Difficult conversations summary impression n you, that their feelings matter to you, and that you are working to understand them.
Most conversations fail because people begin by describing the problem from their own perspective, which implies a judgement about the other person and so provokes a defensive response. The authors note that "the more easily you can admit to your own mistakes, your own mixed intentions, and your own contributions to the problem, the more balanced you will feel during the conversation, and the higher the chances it will go well.
Consider alternatives and compromises, and always try to work on the assumption that the other person is acting in good faith and on honest purposes recall: Expressing oneself is the next step.
Ask what would persuade the other person. A "difficult conversation," according to Stone et al, is "anything you find it hard to talk about": We have different information 2.
Intentions strongly influence our judgments of others: Do not use hints or leading questions. First, remember that it takes two to agree. The Importance of Acknowledgment: There is an old saying — It is not worth it to win the battle if you are going to lose the war.
These conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. This makes the other person aware of the behavior, and it brings out more unexpressed thought and feelings. Working through the three conversations on your own will give a clearer understanding of the situation, and so a better basis for deciding.
Parties should also try to understand why they interpret the situation in the particular way they do. When the other party persistently puts the conversation off track, for instance by interrupting or denying emotions, explicitly name that behavior and raise it as an issue for discussion.
Expressing emotions is risky, however. The identity conversation is an internal conversation that each party has with herself, over what the situation tells her about who she is. You need to be present and focused on the other person.
Listening is a crucially important part of handling difficult conversations well.
This simple assumption causes endless grief. Incidents of pissy brutality strongly correlate, on the other hand, to my own shame, inadequacy, etc.Summary of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen Summary written by Conflict Research Consortium Staff Citation: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, (New York: Viking Penguin, ).
Sep 07, · Find new ideas and classic advice for global leaders from the world's best business and management experts. May 08, · Video summary of Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen's great book Difficult Conversations How to Discuss What Matters Most.
Please subscribe to access more video summaries. Category. Mar 23, · Difficult conversations are anything we find hard to talk about. Conversations that we try to figure out before they happen and after them we end up thinking about what we could have said if we could have the chance to have them again.
Sites like SparkNotes with a Difficult Conversations study guide or cliff notes. Also includes sites with a short overview, synopsis, book report, or summary of Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen’s Difficult Conversations. Difficult Conversations Good communication is very important in daily life as well as in a business setting.
Difficult Conversations talks about why some conversations are difficult, why people avoid having these conversations, and why people do poorly in .Download